Should I opt for Nepal or Chiang Mai for my very first mission trip? I have been wanting to go for forever… and now the opportunity has presented itself and I’m not going to miss it.
Went for the outreach team ministry meeting last night. It was a good time of sharing. Apparently, I was invited to be part of the core team by a previous leader(who has since left) and so all I saw during the meeting was new faces.
I don’t know many people there, and the meeting yesterday was a tad awkward for me. I know I can’t expect people to always make the first move and wait for people to talk to me, I’ve gotta make the first move at times, but being pro-active is not something that comes naturally for me. I suppose it’s a skill that can be learnt and honed, so I tell myself that some discomfort is to be expected, and it will get better with time.
I’ve always been a lonely kid and social interaction is not something I’m good at. But I genuinely like people, and wanna connect with people.
OK. I digressed. What I wanted to say was that I’m truly thankful for the chance to go for a mission trip :)
Okay… I need to rant a bit about this past week – I was struggling with a lot of condemning thoughts. On top of feeling all hormonal because it’s that time of the month, I’m kinda caught in a sticky situation between two friends and I’ve had some minor feuds/misunderstandings with my family as well. The last thing you’d want after a long hard day is to go home to argue and quarrel, as if the day hasn’t had enough trouble already. There’s a lot of drama at work…
Have you ever had one of those days when all you wanted to do was to throw your hands up and give up? This week has been an entire week filled with those days. I don’t think I have ever felt more lonely than on these days. My thoughts run all over the place, and I snap at everyone.
But God’s been a faithful friend… you know the thing about God that is so wonderful is that when you need him to come down to your level and just be a listening friend who’s not gonna judge you, that’s what exactly he does… when I’m feeling so down and weary, the last thing I want is an Almighty God to come tell me what to do, what I’ve been doing wrong and what next to do… but Jesus is a comforting friend who’s not gonna judge you even when you begrudgingly moan about how sucky you think your life is… and when you’re ready to move on, He’s gonna be there to give you the strength to. Like, when you tell God, “I’m in pain”, God’s not gonna sit there and say, “You brought this upon yourself…” Rather, He says, “I know, and I care.”
Yup. Jesus is truly the only person who can bear my nonsense :) I am glad.
I’m learning all over again how to be mindful and enjoy this life that I’ve been given, and embrace the good and bad times. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and people enter and exit your life for a reason as well. Some experiences I go through are so intimate only the Lord knows… I think everyone has such experiences too… but I believe there are insights He wants to show me. And I’m slowly learning how to take to stride rejections and disappointments. I’m slowly learning to stop seeking answers but simply trust that He will do all that’s needed :)
I’m also learning to find meaning in all that I do, even the seemingly mundane and meaningless things, because what is useless and meaningless in my eyes has a purpose in Christ :)
Some days I really feel immensely lonely.
Like you are the only one who knows what you’re going through… at times like these I feel like things would be better if only I had a spouse/close friend by my side. Then I’d deeply hunger for a boyfriend and feel upset at God for not providing me one, haha. But of course, that mentality is quite childish. When I snap out of it, I’m reminded that God wants me to run to Him, not my spouse, first, whenever I’m met with troubles.
I do believe that God has a plan, and He’ll make all things beautiful in His time.
So in this season of singleness, I’m learning to be content with my life the way it is… as pastor said, a saint’s life is directed. It’s no coincidence that I am where I am right now in this stage of life. And so, I’m really glad that I’ll be more heavily involved with the ministry. I wanna get excited about it and enjoy each step of the way, rather than put my life on hold just cos I wish to be in a relationship. I’m excited about the new faces I’ll get to know, and the people I’ll meet. I guess I’ll just need to be more positive about life I guess! :)
Sometimes I feel like there’s no higher purpose for my life, but faith means carrying on even when there seems to be no reason to. At the end of my life, I hope to look back on the years I’ve lived and be thankful I didn’t give up. I suppose God’s got His plans for me, and I’ve got my part to play as well…
I’m just going to leave my life in His hands, and entrust to Him the keys of my heart.
It’s no point building your life around a man, around things, places or people, not even yourself … because it’s just a matter of time before they fail! My best bet is God… :) Alrightey.
X
